When You Know You're the Brains in the Relationship
Can you remember the moment you knew your significant other was the one? Was it something he said? Was it something she did? While the moment you met and all the moments that followed might add up to some great stories, let's stroll down memory lane for an entirely different reason.
During most relationships, one partner inevitably realizes their love interest isn't quite as smart as them — and those moments are usually hilarious. In the following tales, the people of Reddit supplied us with some entertaining tales about those golden moments when they knew for sure they were the smartest person in their relationship.
Is That the Moon or the Sun?
So many little things about the world around us seem common, but for someone who has never gone through a certain experience, something common can be very peculiar. For example, some people have apparently never noticed that the moon is sometimes visible during the day. When they first see this phenomenon, it could be an extremely confusing moment.
One Redditor (johntetherbon90) was driving down the road with his girlfriend when the moon was visible right in front of them. Puzzled, she asked him how the moon was out at the same time as the sun, adding that they are the same thing, so we shouldn’t be able to see them together. She was in her early 30s.
What Month Is It?
One Reddit user discovered the guy she was dating didn't know the order of the months of the year. At the end of September, she mentioned being excited for October because it was her favorite month. His response? "Right. And that's... soon?" She then asked a few other pertinent questions about when the months were in the year. He finally said, "Whatever! Who needs to know that in the real world?"
He also thought drinking orange juice and brushing his teeth were essentially the same thing and that he didn't need to wash with soap because "water naturally kills germs and stuff on its own." Totally. That's why bacteria grow in it all the time. How did this guy make it past elementary school? That was the mystery of the day.
Gotta Love Those Mythical Reindeer
When watching Django Unchained with his girlfriend, the winter training montage led to a puzzling moment for user vDukie. There is a moment when the camera pans over a herd of reindeer. At that moment, his (former) girlfriend said something about how she thought it was weird that they would include reindeer in the movie because it kind of broke the immersion.
Confused by the statement, he asked her what she meant by that. She went on to explain — as if he were the uneducated one — that reindeer weren't real animals and were just make-believe like characters in a fairy tale. You know, like Rudolph and the rest of Santa’s reindeer. So, she tossed out a word like "immersion," but didn’t know reindeer were real. Makes sense.
My Girlfriend, the Teacher
Here’s a good example of the age-old saying that a person can be book smart without being street smart. Without ruining the punchline of this story, let's just say you'll be very surprised to learn the profession of this zany character at the end.
This guy first knew he was smarter than his girlfriend "when she thought I was crazy for putting Pop-Tarts in a toaster. Or maybe it was the time she tried making Hamburger Helper for the first time and called from the store to ask me where she could find the ‘brown’ hamburger meat." The best part of this guy’s story? She is teaching someone’s children right now in a public school!
Why Are There Bumps on the Side of the Highway?
For this female Redditor, the first time she realized she was dealing with a challenge was when the guy she was dating in high school told her parents he was a "meatatarian" because he eats everything. Apparently, he thought "meaty vegetarian" just didn’t have the right ring to it.
The same guy tried to tell her the bumps on the side of the highway were to help blind drivers know when they ran off the road. This one was clearly a case of choosing the hot guy in high school simply because he was hot.
No Presents from Cats, Please
Reddit user dopkick had dated a girl for a few months around Christmas. They weren’t extremely serious, but it was serious enough that he was buying her Christmas presents. He actually found something for her that he thought was perfect, and it had a connection to a funny event involving her and his cat — so he wrote out the card like the present was from the cat.
He thought he was being cute and she would make the connection, but she was not amused — not even a little. Instead, she got angry that the cat gave her a present, but he didn’t. He obviously thought she was joking, so he laughed. It only got worse when her parents backed her up. If he had only bought her a present...
The World's Best Noun
When a girl got the guy she was dating some Mad Libs and sat down to do one with him, she asked him what a noun was. He told her it was a person, place or thing. There was a long silence as she thought about it. In fact, the silence went on for so long he thought she had to be thinking of the world’s best noun.
He was waiting with anticipation when she finally opened her mouth and said "place." Now, that’s how you burst the bubble of illusion and smash some rose-colored glasses.
Watering the Plants
What's the secret to keeping plastic plants alive? They need plenty of water, sunshine and love, of course! Seriously, this hilarious couple from Reddit must have had plenty of love for each other to overcome a dizzying habit that didn't reflect well on their intelligence.
When SoBeefy was asked how he knew for sure he was smarter than his mate, he replied, "I saw her water her plastic plant for the third time. The first two times I was sort of stunned and curious. The second time she actually said, ‘The water goes right through.'" Apparently, it took a minute for his light bulb to turn on as well.
What Is World War II?
If you think everyone knows about the two World Wars, you would be wrong. Reddit user SalsaShark037 said, "A roommate of mine was dating this girl...very cute, super sweet. We were all in the living room watching another roommate play Call of Duty: World at War. It was still new at the time. She eventually asked if the game was based on a true story. We replied that the specific characters didn't exist, but the overall game was based on World War II. Her response: What's World War II?"
The entire group lost it. She didn’t know about World War II? Seriously? At one point, she even said, "It's not like everyone knows about it!" Yes, dear, the whole world knows about it. It wasn’t even the first one.
Which Way Is North?
Redditor Tork260 had a little misadventure with his girlfriend on a hike that sent them down a hilarious path. They were following a trail he had read about online. When they got to a fork, he commented that they needed to go north."
What did his girlfriend have to say about it? She asked, "Haven't we been going north this whole time?" Confused, he asked her why she would think that. It’s unlikely he kept a straight face when she replied, "North is the direction in front of you, yeah?"
Where Have I Heard This Before?
Back in 2004, Reddit user quiteatoughlass found it charming and endearing that her boyfriend did funny voices, made funny idiosyncratic jokes and occasionally called her "m'lady." After all, humor is critical in a relationship, right?
Then she saw Anchorman, and her entire perception changed in a minute. He was literally doing a 24/7 Ron Burgundy impression, eclipsing his entire personality. In the end, she wasn’t even sure she had ever seen his real personality.
Dating the Queen of Pop Culture
They say you shouldn’t bring politics and world affairs into your dating relationship, and maybe there’s a good reason for that. Reddit user PorschephileGT3Girl dated a girl for five years and then discovered she thought Al Qaeda was a lone terrorist named Al. We can only imagine how amazed she must have been at his ongoing single-handed success.
If that’s not embarrassing enough, he pranked her by convincing her that Whoopi Goldberg was married to Gerard Depardieu, which essentially made her full name Whoopi Doopi Doo. Apparently, this girl’s name should have been "Gullible."
The Incredible Buffalo Pig
If you’re a Reddit user named surfbort_surfboart, you probably shouldn’t spend too much time making fun of others, but some people just can’t resist talking about their dating fails. While dining out, this guy’s date saw a picture of a buffalo and remarked, "I want to eat that pig."
While it’s a strange thing to say in general, he thought it was even funnier that she couldn’t tell the difference between a buffalo and a pig. He viewed her as one of the funniest people he ever dated but admitted she definitely wasn't too sharp.
I Can Show You the World
When Reddit user Crysanthia was laying out under the stars with her beau, he asked why some stars were brighter and others were dimmer. She told him the stars varied in size, brightness and distance — and was met with confused silence. "You mean, they're not stuck up there?" he finally asked.
It was her turn to be amazed. Further questioning revealed that he believed the night sky was a big, dark, blanket-like thing with stars stuck on it — for real. The fact that the sun was a star blew his mind. Crysanthia was crushed and almost broke up with him on the spot. Instead, she tried to "teach him" before finally conceding it was a lost cause some time later.
Is He Sexist or Stupid?
User Tri_Sara_Tops shared her moment of eye-opening revelation about her not so bright boyfriend on Reddit. What did he do to convince her she would always be the brains of the duo?
He insisted that women cannot be doctors, only nurses (and vice versa). Now, before you start thinking he’s a sexist pig, his reasoning is much different than you think. He explained that the two are the exact same thing, except one is male and one is female. He was in his early 20s and had clearly never had much need for medical care.
Check the Temperature?
Boscoethadog took to Reddit to complain that he couldn’t get his girlfriend to understand that Celsius and Fahrenheit are the same thing. First, Bosco, take note that they aren’t exactly the same thing, although they do measure the same thing.
The girlfriend knows they both measure temperature. The problem with her belief is that she thinks Celsius measures cold and Fahrenheit measures hot, and she is stone cold wrong!
That's Historical Fiction
You know how some spooky stories are so incredible that Hollywood executives decide to turn them into movies to capture a whole new audience? Well, DrCool2016 had a girlfriend once upon a time who liked spooky stories a little too much and had difficulty keeping some of her stories straight.
She genuinely believed it was the headless horseman who rode through Lexington and Concord shouting, "The British are coming! The British are coming!" Besides mixing story genres, she clearly had a hard time understanding the line between fact and faction.
Green Bean and Bunny Rabbits
According to captainsaveabro on Reddit, green beans and bunny rabbits can be incredibly confusing to some. "We were out to dinner, and he was reading the menu, and he said, ‘What's a green bean?’ I said, ‘You don't know what a green bean is?’ He replied, ‘No, like I know what a green bean is, but what is it?’" What?
The same guy had also apparently never seen a rabbit hop. When a pet rabbit hopped by him in the living room, he yelled, "Oh, my God! What's wrong with him? Why is he jumping like that? Did he hurt his legs?" Apparently, he thought they walked like cats.
Can't Take Him Anywhere
When Reddit user SegoLi’s boyfriend took her to a fancy restaurant, they ordered wine. When the waiter came back, he gave the boyfriend the cork to sniff. You can probably already guess this didn’t go quite as the waiter expected.
The boyfriend grabbed the cork, sucked on it and licked it like a lollipop, obviously excited about the vintage of the premium vino. The waiter looked uncomfortable for several beats before pouring the wine and slinking away. Classy!
Need for Speed
One British Reddit user got fed up with her boyfriend’s driving criticism combined with his obvious lack of experience. He thought you had to "rev it into the red" to change the gear on the car and had no idea how roundabouts worked. He also thought you were supposed to drive around in the opposite direction and didn't know you had to give way.
Despite all that, he still criticized her driving while not even taking the test himself. FYI: In England, most cars are manual, at least for a first car, and roundabouts are everywhere.
A Bostonian Geography Lesson
Redditor AldmeriMinion was watching a movie with her boyfriend when he asked, "Where was this movie filmed?" She answered "Massachusetts," and then later in the movie, a cop car drove by with "Boston Police Department" on the side.
The boyfriend turned and looked at her with a GOTCHA kind of expression and said "HA! Massachusetts? It's in BOSTONNNN!" Fortunately, for this genius, she still loves him today. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be the smart one in the family.
Manly Child-Bearing Hips
Reddit user hissyhissy has an ex who was the oldest of six kids. They were 20 and had been dating for about a week when she commented, "You have wide hips for a man." He immediately replied, "It’s from carrying children."
It was a totally baffling response until his youngest brother walked in, and he picked him up and held him to the side, resting on his hip, as you do with toddlers. She had to sit him down and explain to him that you don't get wide hips from literally carrying children around. There’s a little more to it than that.
I Only Eat Sliced Apples
Redditor invisible-monster got the first glimpse of what it was like to be smarter, when she asked her boyfriend if he wanted an apple. He said yes, so she pulled one out of the fridge and handed it to him. He looked confused before asking her to slice it for him.
Before trashing him for his laziness, the reason is actually quite embarrassing. He had never eaten an apple whole before, and he wasn't sure how to do it. He was 27. Just think how different the world would be if he had been the man in the Garden of Eden!
That's One Way of Explaining Organ Donation
The world is filled with misinformation about organ donation. Some people think doctors won't try to resuscitate you if you're an organ donor, which is completely false. In reality, organs are only considered for donation after a person has died or is already brain dead and connected to life support. Even then, the family makes the final decision about organs.
Of all the wild theories out there, this one takes the cake: "He was getting his license renewed, and they asked him if he wanted to be an organ donor. He said no. When I asked why, he told me it was because he didn't want the government to come knocking for any of his organs when he still needed them. He really thought that becoming an organ donor meant that, at any time, his organs could be taken."
Born in the Wrong Generation
The internet is full of examples of people who foolishly make comments that show off their lack of math skills. Miscalculating time lapses is just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe it's because we usually think of time in terms of decades and centuries, but we tend to forget that millenniums exist.
That faulty line of reasoning is responsible for giving us this gem of a Reddit comment: "She said on multiple occasions that she wished she had been born in 2030 so she could live to see the year 3000. That's 970 years folks."
The Nerve of Some People
This story is kind of funny, but it's also kind of tragic. It's sad when a relationship comes to an abrupt end, all because one person is unreasonable. This is the story of how one Redditor got left out in the cold by his girlfriend, who must not have been thinking very clearly that day.
"I was on my way to pick her up when my truck broke down. I call her to let her know that I won't make it. She proceeds to get really mad at me and screams, ‘But you have two trucks! Why not just take the second truck?’ Uh, maybe because I'm already 20 miles from home, where my other truck is parked. But that wasn't a good enough excuse for her. To punish me, she hung up on me while I was talking. I never bothered calling her back."
She's a Doctor … of What?
According to Redditor, sacrosanctt, he dated a girl who claimed to have a doctorate in "emotionology." He asked her what she wrote her masters' thesis on and what her dissertation included. She looked at him like he had started eating doorknobs, but she continued to insist it was a legitimate field and got angry if her friends didn't call her "doctor" when introducing her.
She kept a ledger of "unacceptable words and colors" that couldn’t be used in her presence because they oozed negativity and bred evil. Even worse, her gaggle of friends believed her. It was like stupid could be contracted and spread. On the other hand, completely logical concepts seemed downright alien to her, like she couldn’t grasp them at all.
Way to Ruin a Surprise Party
Surprise parties are as nerve-wracking as they are exciting. The thought of being able to surprise someone you love is thrilling, but it's really hard to pull it off without the guest of honor finding out. No one wants to be the person who spills the beans.
One Redditor shared his experience as the boyfriend of the woman who ruined the surprise in a very hilarious way: "She called to RSVP to a surprise party, and she called the person the party was for. When I asked her what she was thinking, she said the invitation wasn't clear. I looked at the invitation, and it said in big letters ‘SHHHH! It's a surprise party!'"
Let Me Count the Reasons
Sometimes, the road to realizing your mate isn’t too bright is paved with many clues. For one Reddit user, his girlfriend liked to ask questions and then argue about his answer. She asked about the distance between two interstate mile markers, and when he told her to subtract the two numbers on the markers to find the answer, she argued and got angry when he told her the answer.
She constantly refused to acknowledge very simple truths, and he eventually stopped discussing things with her. Example: If he read an academic article and tried to talk about it, she would argue about the really basic parts and ignore the more complex details of the actual article. She had no ability to accept a person's expertise. Even her college major is spelled incorrectly on her Facebook page — not that you could tell her that.
The Vegetarian Dog
Some people choose to become vegetarians for ethical reasons or for health reasons, but some become vegetarians by choice. One woman decided to make her dog a vegetarian because she felt it would be cannibalism for an animal to eat meat. (She must be pretty appalled by all the National Geographic nature shows.)
AJLMD had this to say: "She told me she doesn't let her dog eat meat because that would be cannibalism. She actually said that in cartoon movies, the animals all understand each other and act as a family, so one animal eating another would be against the laws of nature. It’s okay for us humans to eat meat because ‘we're not animals; we're humans!’ I had to politely ask her to never repeat her logic to anyone else."