Top Relationship Dealbreakers and Why It's Okay to End Things
After dating your significant other for a while, there may be some traits, habits or parts of their life that you just aren’t sure if you can live with. Even when you’re madly in love, there could be some things that raise red flags.
While doubts are completely normal, sometimes they may be signs of a bigger problem. Having a mature, honest breakup may actually be the best option for you both. But what red flags should you look out for? Start with these.
You’re Attracted to Someone Else
A time may come when you start to develop feelings for someone else. While even happily married couples can notice beauty or nice qualities in other people, it’s another thing entirely to form an attraction. If you also start having feelings for someone else, this is probably a good sign it’s time to end the relationship with your partner.
You’re Not Compatible in Bed
Being intimate with your significant other is a special and important part of your relationship. Your intimate relationship can also say a lot about your relationship in general. If either of you has needs that aren’t being met, it can create tension — not the good kind.
You Don’t Get Along With Their Family
Getting along with each other’s families can sometimes be difficult. Even if you like them, there are probably plenty of times they’ll drive you crazy. While mild disagreements and friendly bantering are normal, constant disagreements and clashing personalities can strain a relationship.
You Feel Like You’re Settling
You never want to feel like you’re settling in life or accepting less than you deserve — especially when it comes to relationships. You want to still feel excited about your partner and as though you’re lucky to have them. The same way you don’t want to settle in your career, you also shouldn’t settle in a relationship.
You Don’t Agree on Children
It may seem strange to talk about planning a family early on in a relationship, but it’s better to get it out of the way before you’ve wasted too much time. If you’ve always dreamed of being a parent and your partner doesn’t feel the same way, that can be heartbreaking.
You’re Doing Long Distance
Long-distance relationships can be hard. There may be times that you feel like your relationship is strong enough to endure it and other times that you reach your breaking point. All of these emotions are normal. Don’t be surprised if you have days you want to break up and then make up all within 24 hours.
Lies can put huge cracks into the foundations of relationships. When you don’t trust your partner, your relationship can start to feel lonely and unstable. Your partner should be one of the people you trust most in the world. If someone is lying about big or even small issues, it’s time to talk with them seriously.
They’re Too Cheap
The ways you spend your money are your business. When you’re in a serious relationship, however, money is a big factor in its success. If you’re with someone who has a different financial view than you do, it can strain the relationship.
One of You Spends Too Much
On the flipside, if someone spends way too much money on non-essentials, this can cause fights. No matter how much money you both make, you never want to be with someone who doesn’t understand the value of a dollar or digs themselves further into debt with unnecessary purchases.
Being with someone who’s insecure can be mentally and physically draining. Whether they’re insecure about themselves, your relationship or you personally, their issues can take a toll on your relationship. Even if you love the person, someone who’s insecure may need more help than you can give them.
People who are selfish tend to make bad life partners. Even if you have the patience of a saint, a selfish person can wear you down. Whether it’s only doing what they want to do or putting your needs aside for their wants, selfish people can be exhausting.
They’re Not Over Their Ex
You probably didn’t sign up to be in a relationship with someone and their ex-partner. If your significant other is always talking about their ex, comparing you to their ex and openly thinking about them, it’s probably time to move on.
They Have Bad Manners
Having bad manners can be a real dealbreaker. When it comes to the ways your significant other treats you, manners are really important. You always want to feel like the person you’re with is aware of themselves and how they treat others.
They Have Disgusting Habits
If your significant other has habits that drive you crazy, it may be time for a serious talk. Let’s say your boyfriend is constantly leaving his socks on the floor or your girlfriend never does her dishes. Over time, these little habits can add up to a blowup.
When it comes to your partner, you want to make sure they’re someone you can trust. Having an unreliable significant other can be unsettling. It can be sad, lonely, confusing and emotionally draining to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t reliable or doesn’t do what they say they will.
There’s a Drug or Alcohol Problem
Drug and alcohol abuse are serious health concerns. If your significant other is having issues with either, encourage them to seek professional help — keeping in mind that they need to want to get better. Let them know how their addiction is affecting your relationship.
You Aren’t Communicating
Communication is the foundation of any good relationship. You need open lines of communication to make your relationship stronger. The more you communicate, the better off you’ll both be. Especially if finances and kids may be involved, communication becomes a crucial element that can make or break a healthy relationship.
They Act Like They Know It All
Know-it-alls are as frustrating in kindergarten as they are at age 25. When your partner constantly makes you feel like you’re wrong or that they know everything, it can be sad and upsetting. No one knows the answer to everything. Tell your partner to take it down a notch and lay off the superior attitude.
They’re Too Risky
Taking risks can sometimes lead to amazing adventures and experiences. If the person you’re with is taking too many risks — particularly personal or financial ones — it’s normal to feel like your partner isn’t a good fit for you. If the behavior makes you uncomfortable, your feelings likely won't change over time.
They Have Large Debts
Debt is a form of baggage most of us could do without. When it comes to your significant other’s personal finances, the more communication the better. You don’t want to be blindsided after you marry someone and find out that they have hundreds of thousands in student loan debt to pay.
If someone is being unfaithful, it’s almost always time to split. If you’ve agreed on having a monogamous relationship, you’ve set a hard line in the sand. When someone isn’t trustworthy in this way, it’s time to break things off.
There’s an old saying that states opposites attract. While opposites can attract in some relationships, in others it can lead to a lot of tension. If your partner always seems to have wants and needs that oppose yours, know that a little talk may go a long way.
You Disagree About Pets
Choosing whether or not to get a pet is a big decision. If you’re a dog lover and your partner isn’t, it might be time to have the tough talk. Pets are family members. Deciding whether or not to get a cat, puppy, goldfish or any other pet is something to discuss thoughtfully.
You Don’t Like Their Friends
Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to love all of their friends. Your partner probably won’t like all your friends either. Having disagreements with friends or with each other about friends is stressful. If there’s a person in your group of pals who rubs you the wrong way, talk to your partner.
They Don’t Listen to You
In a perfect world, your significant other always listens to you. Whether they’re listening to you complain about the neighbor's garage or just hearing you vent about work, a good partner is always there to listen. If your partner isn't listening to you, there may be a communication breakdown coming in the near future.
They’re a Workaholic
While being driven in your career is one thing, being a workaholic is quite another. If you feel like all your partner does is work, it’s probably time for an intervention. You, of course, want your partner to succeed in life, but you also want to help them achieve a work-life balance.
They Have No Drive or Goals
A good life partner is one who has their own goals and ambitions but is also supportive of yours. If you’re with someone who doesn’t have a career or life goal in mind, it can be hard to pursue your own. Want to try talking with your partner about their life and what your future looks like? Go ahead.
They’re Too Anxious
If your partner is always more worried about themselves and their life than you, you might need to have a talk with them. Confidence is key in a partner; the more confident they are, the more they can help you feel the same way. One person’s anxiety can chip away at the other’s confidence.
They Have Anger Problems
If you’re with someone who has an extreme anger problem, it’s time to get out — now. Violence, abuse and assault are never right or warranted. When it comes to anger and violence, there should be no second chances.
You’ve Grown Apart
There can come a time, even in the best relationships, when people grow apart. For whatever reason, there may not be enough holding you two together anymore. If you feel yourself wanting to be unfaithful or seek company elsewhere, chances are you’re starting to grow apart.