Parenting Tweets That Are Too Relatable
Sure, you can find plenty of parenting advice both online and in a myriad of books written on the topic. But if you're expecting a child and want the real lowdown on parenting, look no further than these hilarious parenting tweets. Here you'll meet moms and dads shatter pleasant assumptions about parenting and give you the lowdown on what it’s actually like. If you're looking for advice on what to actually expect when you're expecting, read on.
Prepare to Be Updated — Constantly
Cast aside all fears of your child failing to open up to you upon learning to speak. As a rule, children never allow a single thought to pass through their minds without first relaying it verbally to their parents.
The first time you endure a hangover while attempting to change the diaper of a screaming baby, you realize that even wine may no longer be the most dependable refuge. Between juggling child care, work, and other priorities, it's important to seek out tiny morsels of self-care.
The Joys of Kid Creativity
One of the joys of childrearing is watching your children's creativity flourish. This is particularly true when they uncover strange new items that they don't understand the purpose of. Rather than step in and attempt to explain the science behind your feminine hygiene products to your three-year-old, sit back and wait for the fun to begin.
How to Approach Programming
A word about television programming: If your child is yet to arrive or is still in the infant stage, it may be wise to go ahead and start perusing children's programs. By educating yourself beforehand on which shows you can bear and which make you want to tear your hair out, you'll place yourself at a distinct advantage later on.
World's Best Workout
If you're already shopping around for gyms to help you burn those extra pounds when your baby arrives, you might wanna hold that thought. Many first-time parents are completely unaware that by conceiving a child, they've already enrolled in a post-birth CrossFit program.
On the one hand, children's shoes have a magical way of disappearing to wherever it is that socks and ink pens go as well. On the other hand, if you play it safe and buy two pairs of them, your child will inevitably decide that they hate both pairs within 24 hours.
As your child’s language abilities expand, you’ll finally get to learn what they’re thinking about, and hoo boy, can it be a time. There are lots of reasons why parenting is more difficult than it seems, but a big one is that kids just don’t think the same way as adults. Still, it can be funny when it’s not frustrating.
The Big Museum in the Sky
Kids everywhere have an interest in arts and crafts, and whenever they complete a project, they’re sure to share it with pride to an adult in their lives. Given that they all tend to be budding abstract artists, there's no telling what form their next piece might take.
Never Discount Immune Boosters
So many people go into parenthood unaware of how often they’re about to get, No matter how hygenic you are, your kids won’t share your sense of cleanliness, and that comes back to haunt you in an endless series of colds and other maladies.
Fair Is Fair
Ah yes, the adventures of the multi-kid mom. If you plan to have more than one child, then you might as well start perfecting the art of perfectly dividing things. As much as they may complain about their math homework, all children are experts when it comes to weighing the equality of two or more objects.
It's ironic that pregnancy demands total abstinence from alcohol considering the vast number of pregnancies that booze is directly to blame for. Nevertheless, if you're going to make it through nine months of lugging another human being around in your midsection, it's important to find other methods of entertainment.
This Law of Nature
Every parent has a story of some excursion they tried to take their kids on to show them a good time that ended in disaster. Whether it’s the local ice cream shop or Disney World, spending money is no guarantee that they won’t find ways to make themselves miserable.
Kid's Best Friend
Kids and dogs are the perfect partners in crime. They're both always trying to reach the treasures stashed out of reach on the counter, they seem to share a deep love of rolling in mud and each will happily destroy a room if left unattended for too long.
Stupid Airline Restrictions
The only thing as terrible as being stuck on a plane next to a crying baby is being a considerate parent and realizing you’re stuck subjecting everyone else to your crying baby. It’s a mortifying experience. Unfortunately, it’s not always an avoidable one.
Good News and Bad
As demonstrated above, children consider themselves experts in the art of DIY improvising. If they should tell you of their plans to use crayons to turn your kitchen walls into the Sistine Chapel, consider yourself lucky.
Mommy's Little Helper
If you’re a parent, you know what this post is about. You finally have a moment of time for yourself, and thinking the kids are distracted, you decide to treat yourself to something nice. That’s when it starts.
Kids say the darndest things and ask the most bizarre questions, yet it’s your job, at least initially, to humor them — even when those questions ignore the obvious or even insult you. Unfortunately, it’s just part of the job.
Having a kid is the next best thing to hiring a personal computer expert. Sometimes it seems like infants come out of the womb knowing how to operate an iPad better than their parents do.
Pretty Much Sums It Up
There are many things you'll be forced to give up when you become a new parent. In exchange for parental pride and your child’s or children’s love, you must set aside the expectation of privacy or any hope of maintaining a clean floor for any length of time.
Stick to the Question
Children don't really understand the concept of thinking before they speak. In fact, it’s not always clear if they’d know how to be tactful even if they did think first. The ability of children to land savage burns without a thought is something fundamental to their nature.
Get It Together, Infants
Oh, to be an infant. A baby is basically one big ego whose every whim is not only catered to but even anticipated by everyone around them. During the first few months or so of your child's life, you might as well just think of yourself as a full-time servant.
Patience Is a Virtue
There are many things that kids are known for, but patience isn’t one of them. You may soon discover that every video you ever take of your child ends with them asking to see it, or even before you start.
Other People's Kids
Everyone loves their own kids well enough, but there’s nothing worse than having to deal with the strange demands of other people’s children. To be fair, it’s not their fault they were raised to think duck eggs or whatever are normal parts of life, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.
This Fairy Tale Easter Egg
We all loved fairy tales as kids, but now that the time has come to tell them to your own kids, you'll doubtless find yourself seeing them from a whole new perspective. As this Twitter user pointed out, the plight of Mama Bear seems to have been a universal truth as old as time itself.
If you're currently raising an infant, then you may be anxiously looking forward to the days when your child is old enough to help with chores. Not so fast. Be aware that before that blissful day arrives, you'll be expected to teach the most grueling on-the-job training course ever — that is, grueling for you.
Public Enemy Number One
When entering the realm of parenthood, you'll automatically be enlisted into a fight against a number of shadowy enemies. Though they've managed to fly under the radar of society at large, they seem to have waged an epic war against parents of young children.
As noted before, young children love nothing better than swooping down on your meal during a brief respite, but the danger doesn’t end there. Oh no. While they may be able to entertain themselves better as they get older, they also become even more proficient in rooting out the snacks you save for yourself.
Your Own Walking Announcer
Complete loss of privacy is another part of parenthood that takes many new parents by surprise. No matter what you're doing, your child will probably be standing by, ready to give a play-by-play breakdown to anyone within earshot.
While we'd all like to think of ourselves as the world's best role models, reality often kicks such notions to the curb. Don't be alarmed if you find yourself forbidding your children to engage in activities that you yourself still relish in the shadows.
Give Yourself a Break
Among the most important lessons that you'll learn as a new parent is to give yourself a break. If you feel like you're the only person in the world who didn't get the guidebook, then welcome to the club. Despite the perception of kids all over the world, parenting is pretty much guesswork.