What's the Most Brutally Honest Thing a Child Has Ever Said to You?
When you're an adult, you have a full understanding of emotions and how to control what you say. It's a different situation when you're a kid. Many kids say the most shocking things without realizing what they've done. These Redditors discuss some of the wildest things they've heard children say around them.
It's Inevitable, Y'all
My 5-year-old-granddaughter knew the speed-dial number on my daughter's phone. Without my daughter's knowledge, my granddaughter called me and left the following message: "Grandma, you are so very, very, very, very pretty, but you're old and you might die."
Low Blow to Mom
I was waiting for my daughter to get her coat and boots on at daycare, and another little girl walked up to me. She was probably about 6. She told me her parents got a divorce so she was just like my daughter now. I nodded at her and then I got this gem: "I get to go one week with my mommy and one week with my daddy. Today I go with my daddy. He has a new girlfriend and she’s WAY, WAY, WAY more pretty than my mom. I wish my mom was as pretty as my daddy's girlfriend." I just cringed.
A Wife for Every Week
"Daddy, why do you have so many wives?" my 3-year-old, Disney princess movie-obsessed daughter said to me. I was a single, 20-year-old dad with full custody, so naturally she saw me go through a few different girlfriends. That was the moment I decided things were gonna change.
Content With Boredom
I was sitting in my room and my 7-year-old cousin comes up to me and says, "Don't you leave your room? Don't you do anything fun besides sitting on your computer?" I said, "Yes I do," and tried to make something up. He said, "It doesn't look like it. Last time I saw you, you were doing the same thing."
Is It a Boy or a Girl?
I've always had a gut, ever since I was a teenager. About eight years ago, I was at my girlfriend's (now wife's) house, and we were babysitting her little brother and sister. Her sister was about 4 at the time and cute as a frickin' button. She was sitting next to me on the couch and she turns to me and pats my belly with her hand and says, "Aww, you're gonna have a baby!" I was an 18-year-old dude.
It's Called Tough Love
Our 3-year-old son was going through several days of tantrum after tantrum. I realized soon that his mom and I were constantly giving him negative feedback, punishments, timeouts, etc. to no avail. I decided that we needed to hit the reset button, so I took him aside.
They Saw Through You
I was walking down the street one day, and I specifically remember that nothing was bothering me. Everything was perfectly normal. Nothing great, but nothing bad. It's what Stringer Bell would've called a "40-Degree Day." Then I crossed paths with this small girl.
Ready-to-Drop Music Knowledge
I was playing some electronic music I like while driving my kids somewhere. My youngest (maybe 8 at the time) pipes up. "Hey dad, about this song..."
That's an Illegal Move
I was wrestling kids in one of those big inflatable jumpers at a birthday party, getting overwhelmed by the pile of kids kicking and punching at me. At one point I get up to catch my breath. A kid looks at me straight in the eyes and says, "Hit the weight room, pork chop!" and dropkicks me in the groin.
The Truth Comes Out
My oldest granddaughter is 8. Technically, she's my step-granddaughter since I married my wife when she had two grown children. However, no one's bothered to explain to the three granddaughters all that stuff.
Step Away From the Cooler
Probably when my 2 1/2 year old called me out for being a drunk in front of a half-dozen people in the grocery store. I reached for a couple of tall boys out of the cooler and my boy screamed at the top of his lungs in an angry, authoritative voice, "NO! PAPA NO! WALK AWAY, PAPA!"
It's a Hip New Walk!
My niece (who was about 3 at the time) asked my grandma if she had a baby in her belly. Obviously my grandma said no. My niece turns to me and says, "That's weird. If she doesn't have a baby in there, why does it wobble when she walks?"
Who You Gonna Call?
My youngest sister was about 6 at the time, recently had a birthday and found herself with a little birthday money. At the time she was obsessed with those Monster High dolls. She already had about 15 of those things, but like any addict, it just wasn't enough. During a routine grocery trip, we older kids wander off with her to the toy aisle and she locks in on the Monster High doll section. She snatches up the doll she wants, and we wind up back with Mom at the register.
Take Them for a Ride
I visited my 5-year-old niece recently and she really wanted my sister and me to get her scooter down for her instead of her tricycle. We told her she'd have to wait until her dad came home. We change the subject and she interjects with the most adorable and manipulative statement I've ever heard.
Born to Make Mistakes
When I was in college I used to "clown" for kids' birthday parties. One day it was really hot and these little monsters were really annoying me. I’m there trying to make balloon animals as fast as I can to satiate the gaggle of screaming kids, and I just can't get through them fast enough.
Ready for Another One Already?
I had just come home from the hospital after having my second kid. My 3-year-old LOVES to take baths with me. After I had healed up a bit, I took a bath with her. As I was washing her hair, she turned to me, poked my still-large and stretch-marked belly and said, "Mom, do you have another baby in there? Because your belly is bigger than all the other mommies’ bellies." My stomach has since gone back down, but darn it, I started dieting the next week.
No Glass Slipper for Her
I played Cinderella in a high school play. It was a comedy mash-up of a bunch of fairy tale characters. Elementary schools would come for daytime shows as a field trip, and after their shows, we'd go out into the audience in costume, talk to the kids and take pictures and such. A lot of them would get really excited to meet certain characters, and as Cinderella, I'd often be that special one for some little girls.
The New Doctor Love
My siblings have always supported me dating my best friend, so when it happened, they were all just kind of like, "FINALLY!" Well, a few months into dating I'm telling all them the great stuff he does. My youngest brother (7-ish), cuts me off and just goes, "I've changed my mind. YOU are not worthy of HIM. He's this pretty great guy and you could never deserve him."
Sorry for Breathing
My 6-year-old niece was having a slumber party with me (her favorite aunt — parents were out of town). We stayed up an hour past her bedtime watching Disney movies and eating snacks. I laid next to her at bedtime and told her stories. Suddenly, she put her hand over my mouth and explained, "Sippistar, your breath stinks!" Yeah... And here I thought I was all cool!
Lost a Fan
One boy in my children's choir said, "My grandmother has stopped coming to church because she says that you play the organ so loud it makes her hearing aid screech during the service."
Take It Slowly, Dude
It was our family Christmas party and my uncle was shoveling cookies into his face. My then-4-year-old cousin walked up to him, placed her little hand on his large, protruding belly and said, "Moderation." No idea how she knew that word, let alone how to use it correctly, but it was one of the funniest things. We still talk about it like 12 years later.
It's Always Food O'clock
My 4-year-old daughter was finishing dinner and told me she was full. She had enough left to be worth putting it in the fridge.
Who's the Failure Now?
I was hiding Easter eggs for my then 10ish-year-old nephew, and he couldn't find the last one and broke down crying that he was a failure. I teased him a little bit, making light of the situation. He fired back something along the lines of, "You're in your 20s and still live with your parents and don't have a girlfriend or job." Talk about going straight for the jugular.
Bigger Is Better
I was a preschool teacher for seven years before I moved up to elementary teaching. I was very overweight during most of those years until I finally lost the weight. But one day, I was trying to move ahead of my class and there was a very small opening. I said to my students, "Sorry kids, but you have to give me room to squeeze through because I am way too big to get through there!"
Grin and “Bear” It
I was explaining hibernation to kindergarteners. I told them bears eat a bunch before winter so they can sleep a lot. A couple of boys told me that was weird and said that the bears didn't have a food cabinet.
Not long after my first girlfriend (who I had been with from 15 years old to 19 years old) dumped me, I was pretty upset. My cousin at the time was 6 or 7 and asked if I wanted to take her to a movie. I told her I wasn't feeling up to it. She knew why I was sad (someone probably asked her to ask me to go to the movies to cheer me up). Her response was: "You can either get off your bum and do something with yourself or turn into a pile of poop. Morgan wasn't even pretty. Time to get over it."
More Bang for Your Buck
After I'd just had bangs cut — and not being sure if I liked them yet — a little boy in the store asked, "Why is there some random extra hair in front of your forehead?"
Nothing Like Post-breakup Attacks
A month after I was dumped by my long-term boyfriend, I was teaching a dance camp for little girls. One of them asked me if I had a boyfriend, and when I responded with, "No," she asked why. I told her that he had recently broken up with me.
Dance Like Nobody's Watching
I was a camp counselor last summer and we had a dance party for the 6 to 12 year olds. Gave them glow sticks, turned on Kidz Bop and everything was fun. I'm groovin' while I'm DJing, and one of the 9-year-old girls comes over and whispers, "You should stop dancing. You're embarrassing yourself."
A Future Star in the Making?
I was playing guitar for my 5 year old and she asked if I knew any Taylor Swift. I didn't, but as Swift is her favorite singer, I decided to quickly look up some chords. I started playing "Shake It Off" for her, and she says, "I love that song, Daddy, but you sing horribly. Stop it. You're ruining it."